it's official...

Yes, it's official...harley is finally a tried and true biker chick! that's right ladies - me and my man bought a bike! although syd is right...i will have to have a slight twist to my name since its a Yamaha and not a Harley...Yamaharley is how we like to think about it! tee hee! :) it is Sa-weet!! and yes...i will be purchasing some nice leather chaps... ;)

So I'm Brushing My Teeth This Morning....

and i'm like 'IS THAT FUCKING HELICOPTER GOING TO LAND ON MY ROOF?!?!??!"

then it goes away.

then i'm brushing my hair and i'm like 'WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE FLYBY, ICEMAN?!!"

then i put kate in the car to take her to her drama camp. ps. i have to bring a shoebox with lid for her tomorrow. i need warning when i have to provide a shoebox with lid. i don't usually keep those things.

anyway, kate and i are in the car to go to drama camp. i pass THREE cop cars before i get out of the neighborhood.

last night, our neighbor rang the bell at 9:30pm to ask if our dog was okay because he'd heard a dog in serious distress, presumably being attacked by something. (lovie had been inside happily chewing a bone, but because the bell rang she was now frothing at the mouth and jumping like a maniac. i assume she peed on the floor, too. that's not my job.)

so. i'm guessing there is a murderer hiding in my shed in the backyard.

look! it's sean lipford!

My Reality Show Update

i love joshua and his tight pants. yes, i'd be afraid of him in real life because he looks a little too street for me, but in pretend on tv i love him doing ballroom and i love him doing hip hop. i want him partnered back up with katee, though.



i hate this dude. hate hate hate hate hate. i want to stab him with sewing scissors and cut out his tongue with pinking shears. although i will say i enjoyed his 'leather' rant last night because i hate that crazy rocker chick with the god awful tight pants just as much as i hate him. she looks as good in her clothes as my mother would in the same outfits. it's just wrong.


yes, he's obnoxious, but at least he's interesting to watch. i'd like to have him over to help me shop, but since he declared he's bisexual on the show last night, that makes him slightly less gay than completely gay and i'm really more interested in someone completely gay. i don't think you can be a fag-hag if it's still possible to sleep with your boyfriend?

and if you haven't read projectrungay.blogspot.com, please go do that now. i love their nina-heidi face off from this week's episode.

i couldn't find any pictures from last comic standing that i liked. i'm sure none of you watch it anyway. i love marcus and louis. i would like the chick, iliza, if she wasn't such a whiny bitch behind the scenes. she's funny on stage, though. i hate ron. and the bald british guy scares me a little. marcus does really funny impressions and louis reminds me a little of sean lipford.

Happy Birthday to Me

there it is, girls. isn't she beautiful. i ate that. all of it. AND i split a bowl of nachos with kate. i would also have eaten a taco, but my child beat me to it. you'd think i starved the kid.

first off: a shout out to my bitches who came out to celebrate my 33rd. "autumn" and "spring" who drove in from all kinds of remote places just to eat chips and salsa with me. you chicks are all right. harley and her cousin-in-law-to-be and syd even went into the deep depths of johnson county to watch a chick flick. thanks, ladies.

i LOVED the chick flick. hated the seats. seriously. we had to sit in the FIRST row?! that movie's been out for months. and what WAS that smell? ew.

the mojitos at on the border were made from tequila. which is decidedly NOT a mojito. and tequila gives me a headache which is why i wasn't drinking margaritas. so that sweet little bartender deserves a backhand.

had rox been with us, i'm certain she would have spanked him for us. and i mean that in all the dirty ways you think i do.

i had a headache on sunday morning, thank you, roderigo or whatever your name was. and my mommy guilted me into going to church. no, i was not struck by a bolt of anything, but a churchlady hugged me. and you know how i feel about that.

spent the rest of the week hanging out with kate's chinese cousins. that was fun in a family-friendly sort of way. it involved a lot of unhealthy food and swimming.

stopped for a sleepover on the way home at my brother's. he bought me dinner which i'm pretty sure was the first time in the history of the world that has happened. no, really. i don't think he's EVER bought me dinner.

friday i stopped at the KUM and go to buy ice and coke. noticed my tire looked flat. filled it at their machine and decided to stop at goodyear tire while i was still in civilization and not in BFE on interstate 80.

my birthday present to me? two new tires.

see you next month for tom's wedding!!

Guess Who's Getting Married?

That's right. My ex has finally found himself a new bride. Let me review for you......

Tom moved to Virginia. THEN started dating a woman he used to work for. She lives in MISSOURI. So he waits to start dating her until AFTER he moves out of town.

So apparently they have decided to get married. In August in MISSOURI. Then he's going BACK to Virginia to finish out the year. Then he's going to move back to KANSAS CITY where he moved from about six months ago.

Good news is that it makes it easier for Kate to visit when I have something to do in town. AND when Tom is destitute and ill in his old age, he's his wife's problem, not Kate's. (Using the same logic I used when Maggie returned to my dear ol' dad.....)

Plus side: I like the girlfriend, Suzanne. She seems like a responsible adult.

HAPPY FOURTH

happy independence day. some highlights from my weekend:

went to the hoffman estates, il 4th of july parade with kate's friend ali and her parents, both from poland. ali's dad bragged to me on the way to the parade that they moved to the US with 6 other families, but they were the first to get their citizenship. this is the first year in 25 years that they aren't having a bbq because their oldest daughter graduated from mizzou last week and they had a party for that. (the daughter got a journalism degree and is doing an internship in china covering the olympics, which i think is super cool.) anyway, dad is so proud of being a citizen, that he makes my dad look a little liberal. every time the american flag went by, he stood and covered his heart. and i don't just mean the honor guard at the beginning of the parade. i mean EVERY AMERICAN FLAG. do you know how many flags that is? we're talking about 100 or so floats (including bands and cars filled with local politician and teenaged beauty queens).....90% of which had some sort of american flag hanging off of it. it was very cute.

my favorite moment of the weekend, however, was this:

kate and i are playing go fish while waiting for fireworks on friday. i had beaten her game after game after game. at hand number 6 or so, it looks like she might have a chance. she 'goes fish'. suddenly she yells, "i got my king! i finally beat you, bitch!"

immediately the look on her face goes to "OMG DID I JUST SAY THAT OUT LOUD". sheer horror. eyes and mouth both open wide. fortunately for her, paul and i are laughing hysterically.