Um ... Not that I'm in a place to judge,

BUT Jessica Simpson is looking a little chunky.

What the hell happened?

this seems better, right?

is this too short for me?

i think it's too short.  my abs don't look like that, either.

i don't think i have abs, technically speaking.

i am PISSED!!

filene's basement in schaumburg is CLOSING.  at the end of february.  where am i supposed to shop now??  where am i supposed to buy $150 purses for $25??  where am i supposed to buy ralph lauren clothes for $10??  sh!t!! 

seriously.  there are only three nice things i can say about chicago and one of them is about to take a major hit!!

by request

let me just state for the record that i am not cheap.

okay.

i'm cheap.  and booze on a cruise is expensive.  assume $6 per fruity rum drink plus an obligatory 15% gratuity.  that's like $7 a drink.  let's assume i have one with lunch.  plus 3 by the pool in the afternoon.  plus one before dinner.  plus 4 to 6 while dancing.  that's 11 drinks a day.  or $77 per day!!  it's a three night cruise.  so i'm spending $231 on drinks!!!  and there are two of us!!!  so i'm spending FOURHUNDREDSIXTYTWO dollars on rum and fruit juice!!

let's look at roxy's situation.  she's a lush.  she can drink me under the table.  frankly, she can drink most long shoremen under the table.  her husband is literally twice the size of my husband.  paul looks like an italian leprechaun next to daniel.  if i'm spending FOURHUNDREDSIXTYTWO dollars on booze, then they are spending WAY more. 

and because roxy and i are traveling with our baggage for a change, we probably aren't going to get drinks purchased for us by horny twenty somethings.  at least not while the italian leprechaun and the body guard are in the vicinity.  what kind of vacation is it that requires us to spend more than airfare on rum?!!

do we want to spend FOURHUNDREDSIXTYTWO dollars on booze when we could buy these x-ray proof plastic flasks for $20 and our own booze (most of mine is courtesy of dino's liquor anyway)?

NO WE DO NOT!!

this is where....

rox and i will be three weeks from right now.  okay not TO THE MINUTE, but we'll have been here earlier in the day.

it's going to be so much nicer than sitting in frigid chicago on a saturday night, waiting for my daughter to put on her pjs while listening to my husband try to sleep away his hangover from HAPPY HOUR last night.

my life is so glamorous.

Destination Suggestions?

OK, chicas. We are getting close. It will either be a May 16 wedding here in KC (Independence B&B) OR we can have a destination wedding. However, I can't seem to find the right combo of place that will do the ceremony and reception for a decent price, on top of our travel. As well as keeping costs low for anyone who wants to come. I figure about 20 people MAX. I also need it to be kid-friendly for my flowergirl. I have researched Bahamas, Aruba, Florida, Colorado and places in Sonoma and Napa Valley.

If anyone has suggestions or would like to hop on the Research Wagon, please feel free to do so. I want to set everything by this weekend so I can enjoy Mexico.

Once this part is over, I expect this planning process to be more fun. Because this part is REALLY sucking.

if you have not heard this song...

love remains the same, the classical guitar version off itunes, by gavin rossdale.

it's so beautiful i could cry.

new year new five

i'm dedicating this list to roxy and never-ending crusade to improve the men i fantasize about......

alan rickman: he's gorgeous and british. his accent and the way he speaks is very proper and restrained and ridiculously sexy. plus he makes an excellent bad guy.

ricky gervais: super funny, super smart. also british. not traditionally hot, but you know that's not what i go for. adorable and sweet and sad in ghost town. rent it!

paul rudd: so very cute, so very funny. and i'll bet he likes taco via.

bill hader: funniest guy on SNL right now. i want him to pretend he's the italian talk show host on our first date. the ENTIRE date.

colin firth: i'm not anticipating any objections to this one. who doesn't love mr. darcy? so gorgeous. a big liberal hippie in real life, too! did i mention he's british?

Does this make anyone else feel old?

The Real World has selected its Brooklyn Cast for the next season. The 21st season... we have been living in a world where Real World has been going on for over 20 years!!!! Doesn't that make Eric like 40 something?

you should see the twins in this thing!!

except:

1.  i just got this bra at the VS semi-annual sale in CHEETAH.

2.  my boobs are WAAAAY bigger than hers.  seriously, i could stop traffic.

rox, i've got to take these girls out somewhere.  you say there's a good spot for fish and chips in omaha?

my midnight text conversation

happy new year!

having fun?

Not so much!  Hope u are!

happy new year!

i wirh i was w u

You're slurring ur words. 

me?

We watched zohan, mummy 3.  Now going 2 bed w the kitties.  Whee!

crvise coming soon

Cruise is not spelled w a V, u drunken crumpet!

u shnuld c the caonadian that joined us.  crumpet.

I'm not sure where canoadia is, but i don't think they have the accent.