holiday bitch time

while i'm sure you have not forgotten, i will remind you that i do not like the above family.  paul's hot brother tom's wife and kids.

okay, the kid on the left isn't so bad.  i haven't really heard her speak, but at least it's because i haven't seen these people in a while.  it's also because paula babytalks her children so that they are speech delayed.  the older one is first grade and can't pronounce Rs and Ls which is a problem because her name is lauren.

so for christmas this year, they north carolina stanfas have decided NOT to come to chicago.  hip hip hooray!  this mean i don't have to drive down to chicago heights TWICE because that bitch paula INSISTS on having a separate christmas and birthday party for devil-spawn lauren who was ironically born on christmas day.  it also takes a load of stress off paul's parents because although she's a bigwig for glaxo wellcome, they refuse to rent a car leaving one parent stranded at all times.

anyway.  we always exchange gifts for the kids, i've been shopping just like i usually would.  i bought all 4 of the stanfa granddaughters the same minnie mouse tshirt and stuffed animal at the disney store at their summer clearance.  cute.  matchy matchy.

then for lindsey i bought inflatable alphabet blocks from the learning exchange.  catalog price:  $39.99.  not what i paid, but i am an extraordinarily good shopper and that should not be held against me.  they inflate to about 5 inches cubed and have velcro on the sides so you can attach C-A-T, etc.  very nice, very heavy vinyl.

for lauren i bought a magnificent present.  lauren likes bugs and frogs.  at the beach she likes to dig up sand crabs and take them home in jars.  there is nothing wrong with this, but i know it drives her mother fucking crazy, especially when paula is all about the matching lily pulitzer dresses and the american girl dolls.  so i bought lauren aquasaurs.  what are aquasaurs you may ask?  they are like sea monkeys, but they are about 2 inches long.  it's exactly the kind of thing that lauren will freaking love and her mother will freaking hate.  it's perfect.  honestly, of the gifts i've bought this year, it's one of my favorites.

so i gathered all of these items and painstakingly wrapped them.  on the matchy matchy tshirts, i used package tie ons with the girls names on them that i bought at christmas last year.  the paper is all hello kitty with bright silver bows.  the tags say things like "merry christmas, love kate."

when we were at disneyland in october, i got each girl a disney nametag with their names engraved on it.  a princess one for lindsey and a tinkerbelle for lauren.  i put those in their gifts as well.

i also included lauren's birthday gift, a monkey tshirt (what's his name....jack or something) that all the kids wear with a matching monkey webkinz.

i boxed all the stuff up, which required TWO boxes.  i mailed it from the post office today so it would arrive in plenty of time.

wow.  that's a lot of work.  it must mean that i really care.  you know i don't, but damn if it doesn't look like i do!!

when i get home from work and the post office, i have a small package in the mail.  from walmart.  since i'm sure i didn't order anything from WM, it must be a gift.

it is.  it's a DS videogame for kate.  unwrapped.  no gift card attached.  just a receipt made out to paula stanfa for $29.99 plus $5 for tax and shipping.

do you know how much it costs to have a package wrapped at walmart.com?  $3.88.  less than four fucking dollars.

so now, i get to WRAP the gift paula sent kate, label it, put it under the tree, file the receipt, and take the damn game back to walmart because it's some boyish mario brothers game that kate would never play.  bitch asked denise to ask me to send a list of gift suggestions for kate.  i included 2 american girl outfits (both in the $25 range) and some book titles ranging from $3 to $20.

so fucking rude.