It was the size of my guest bedroom. It had a whirlpool tub that was big enough for two under a glass block window. It had the toilet in a little closet of it's own. It had a separate shower. There were two sinks and a counter that wrapped around two whole walls. It was as bright as the actual sun and carpeted with a nice cut berber.
The rest of the house was nice, too.
But now I live in Schaumburg in a house that's older than I am and not holding up nearly as well. Here's how the evening is going thus far:
What is that noise?
What noise?
There's like a gurgling noise. Are you doing laundry?
No.
Hmmmm.......HOLY SHIT!!
What?!!
We have a problem!!!
What?!!!
There's water in the vent.
What does that mean?
It means that if you pull the decorative cover off the heating vents in the floor and look in, there is water SLOSHING back and forth. It sounds like the surf in the fucking Bahamas. If we had a basement we would be running boxes of Christmas decorations and old blankets up the stairs before they got ruined. If we owned a mexican restaurant in KCK we'd turn off the tortilla machine and have a margarita. But since we're in fucking Chicago and have a foot of snow in the yard for the last month and since it's 40 degrees and RAINING and since we're on a slab, it means the water is in our heating duct system. We figure this is going to cost somewhere between $1500 and $15000. Paul went to Lowe's. He thinks he's going to get a water pump and pump the water out of the vents.
Paul.
My husband, Paul.
Paul the guy who took FOUR FUCKING months to patch a hole in the kitchen ceiling from our last lovely home repair thinks HE is going to pump water out of the ducts. Really.
Paul.
And I have a PMS migraine so if you hear that I've killed him, please refer the police to this blog. I think it will explain everything.
3 comments:
are you calling in a professional? i say do that BEFORE the hubby tries to fix...
after considerable research, the options were as thus:
buy a pump and pump it out yourself. $100
we'll pump it out for you. $450
reseal the cement slab your house is sitting on, close up the underground ventilation. re-route the heat/ac through new ventilation in your ceiling. $5000-$7500.
guess which one we choose?
Pumped it out yourself? Just get out of there before next winter so the next couple can freak out about it... while you are in the fabulous state of KS.
PS - I do remember that bathroom, but instead of the color of the sun, I remember that it was bluish purple?!
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